27 January 2008

And thus...

So today at work, I am doing my job, cleaning things, putting them away, setting up the closers for their close. Ryan, a co-worker says, "So, Aimee, what's on your mind?" I say, "Nothing." He persists, and says, "you have a very intense look on your face. You're thinking about something."

Honest to God, I could NOT think of one thing that was on my mind, other than "Clean clean clean clean. Oh hey, Regg just walked by the door. I'm talking to Ryan." My mind was oddly blank. There were no thoughts other than what I was doing in my mind, and it was an odd thing. Usually I spend the time I have while cleaning thinking about things going on in my life.

Certainly, I am aware of the various confusions I have in my head, worries about school, worries about exactly what the fuck I'm going to do with my life, money, etc. I know they exist and usually at work they are a persistent bugger in the back of my mind. Actually, they usually are in my mind 24/7. But today was different.

Ryan and I also discussed what we would do if we could do anything without worrying about money and the like. I said:
Travel the world under a fake name. Take pictures of whatever I want when I want. Write a movie. Write a novel. Learn Italian from a real Italian. Learn French from a real French person. Get drunk on French wine. Dig a really big hole for no reason. Go on an Africa safari. Hit on random people just because I'll never see them again. Get into a fight. Talk to a complete stranger and tell them my life story. Talk to a complete stranger and lie about my life story. Overcome my fear of heights.

It was a really nice feeling to talk about That sort of thing. We also discussed how it's almost a necessity to know what we want to do with our lives, even though we're so young. Why is it necessary to know exactly how we want to live our lives 10 years from now? Why do we need to spend our youth working towards being an adult? This gives us no time to actually be adolescents.

Does anyone else feel the pressure to grow up?
I do.

And I hate it.

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